Tuesday, February 3, 2009

10 Mascots more Dangerous than a Model A

From Bird:

I've been inspired after reading this article about mascots. I once read a Notre Dame blogger write about his account of GT's entrance including the Ramblin' Wreck storming on to the field. He said it was one of the most dangerous things he'd ever seen on a football field. First off, the Wreck never exceeds 10-15 miles per hour. It just looks fast. Secondly, you're in complete control of the vehicle, unlike many other mascots so...

I present to you 10 Mascots More Dangerous than the Ramblin' Wreck:

10. Costumed mascots with limited field of vision and short tempers.

9. Drunk driving mascots.

8. Birds of prey like Auburn's War Eagle. Hell throw that chicken at USC(e) in there, too. Do you really want to get your finger bit off by an eagle? Or eye gouged by a chicken with spurs?

7. Caged wild animals such as bears, tigers, lions, etc.. You know they've got some interesting insurance premiums for those bastards. Whenever I see a tiger on the field of play, I think about Naked Gun and the blooper reel including a tiger attack on an outfielder.

6. Texas Tech's Masked Rider. The horse has been killed or injured several times in game intros. The horse has also injured several people. Any other horse mascot should fall under #6 as well including UVA, Furman, Rutgers, FSU, USC, and any others I've forgotten.

5. Clemson, VT, and whoever else's cannons along with any other firearm wielding mascots. You only get two ear drums. Hearing merely fades, it doesn't grow back like a lizard's tail. This is a long term health hazard. An explosion hazard as well.

4. Dogs. Bulldogs, hound dogs, hot dogs. Get 'em off the field. We don't want rabies or tetanus.

3. Colorado's bison, Ralphie. Nothing safer than a WILD animal controlled by a bunch of rodeo clowns.

2. Oklahoma's Sooner Schooner. The 1993 crash is pretty terrifying to watch. The driver broke his leg in three places and the other passengers suffered bruises and lacerations.

1. Texas' Longhorn, Bevo. When I met Jim Kramer, he mentioned the only problem he had while on his college tour was Bevo the cow. Apparently, Bevo gored one of the trainers. Damn.

Anyone got any weird mascot stories out there?