Conspiracy Theory: Auburn Edition

If you are a fan of conspiracy theories you’ll enjoy reading the below conversation I had with a co-worker of mine. Rumors are swirling around Auburn like a mother and this is just one of the bunch. This is all in regards to Tommy Tuberville’s “resignation” and his buyout. Draw your own conclusions.

Jeff: I did see an interesting conspiracy theory, that if true makes sense.


Me: oh?

Jeff: yeah, so this story involes the yella wood guy,
you know who that is right?

Me: yep






Jeff: so the story goes, he's watching the iron bowl and gets seriously PO'd. Since he films all these commercials he has most of the big time coaches’ personal phone numbers and so he decides to call Houston Nutt directly and ask what it would take to get him at Auburn. Nutt says thanks, but I can't do that to Ole Miss right now.


Jeff: Now Nutt and Tubbs are both Jimy Sexton clients and the rumor is that after Jet Gate, Sexton negotiated a clause in Tubbs contract. That clause is that Auburn, or anyone acting on their behalf, staff or booster can not approach another coach. Otherwise it's a breach of contract and Tubb's gets his complete buy out


Me: Wooooow!

Jeff: Nutt mentions in passing that Yella Wood gave him a ring to Sexton... Sexton tells Tubbs they've breached the contract. Tubbs walks in the next day and asks for his money. They negotiate, agree to pay but he [Tuberville] steps down. To avoid Sexton going public with the mess they agree to hire another one of his clients... you guessed it Chizik.


Jeff: No idea if it’s true, but it makes for a good story

Damn right it is. Auburn is a mess.

Dr. Saturday speaks of this same subject here

Gene Chizik? Really?

In this morning's post, Dane and Bird give you their opinions on how back Auburn sucks.

(Dane's Point of View)

It's Chizik. Gene Chizik.

Oh, that name is familiar, but you don't know who that is? That's because he was the defensive coordinator at Auburn during their undefeated season, but basically fell of the face of the football earth when he posted a 5-19 record at Iowa State. You would think that few tears would be shed for a coach with that kind of output, but according to ISU's AD, this is a "significant setback".


A few words of comfort to the dozen Cyclones fans out there - don't worry, he'll get what is coming to him for, um, snubbing your prestigious program. Ol' Gene is basically stepping into a meatgrinder built of unfair expectations from an rabid, borderline out-of-control fanbase and the fact that, well, Auburn (a team with a pretty good recent history) just put Gene Chizik in charge of it's program to battle the juggernaut that is Nick Saban (somebody who was basically already owning Tuberville in every facet of the game within a season of his hiring).

So, expect Chizik's blood to be spilled, figuratively and very possibly literally, within the next three seasons. After all, these are the same toothless hicks that shot, yes, with a gun, our beloved Ramblin' Reck during a visit to Auburn. This is gonna be ugly, folks. Can't say I feel bad for anybody involved.


(Bird's point of view)

Personally, I don't mind the hiring of Gene Chizik. I also have a strong dispassion for all things Auburn only reinforced by some of my coworkers who love the shitty university and its complete disregard for rules, regulations, and academia.

Auburn...you deserve what you got. You fired a winning, experienced coach because he got beat one time by Nick Saban. Great call. Way to think long term. Stability and Auburn will not be in the same sentence for another ten years. And all of the Auburn fans with their moonshine, blunderbusses, and snaggle teeth will fade away until they have another undefeated season that doesn't matter.

What will this yield for GT? I'd like to think there are more possible recruits from Alabama for GT in the future. Kids that grew up Auburn fans but don't want to play at the joke that is Auburn.